Teeny Tiny Tales Presents... was made by ManMan - This should be the entire story now. on 2/19/2003 at 2:47:36 PM. It was made in response to Teeny Tiny Tales Presents... posted by ManMan on 2/19/2003 at 2:45:04 PM.
The Thighmaster stared at the pygmy horde, they were the sort of things he'd seen on the Discovery Channel, very short with sharp bone fragments protruding from their ears and nose, vulgar paintings on their small chests and wearing nothing but an assorted range of palm leaves. "I saw a program about these little savages once," he told Browning. "They're going to try and eat us, aren't they?"
His loyal manservant nodded. "I'm afraid so, sir."
Before The Thighmaster could give the order to run, the fattest and most ornately decorated of the pygmies raised his arms aloft and screamed. "Lalla booga!"
The villains heart-rate jumped. "Um...What was that?"
Browning turned to his master. "He's told them to 'get the pot' sir," he explained.
A group of pygmies set off in a hurry, gesturing wildly as they ran.
"The...pot?" Thighmaster queried, slightly surprised. "Well, I suppose they do need a little calming down..." he allowed.
"I'm sure they meant cooking pot sir," the butler corrected. "As in 'cauldron'-- to boil us in." he explained further.
"...oh....Wait," Thighmaster paused. "You know what they're saying?"
"Yes sir," replied Browning. "Although I admit my pygmy is a little rusty, I haven't spoken it in quite some time..."
"Well...." his master breathed. "Tell them we're inedible!"
The butler coughed. "I'll do my best sir," Browning turned to the pygmy horde, who had been slowly building a driftwood bonfire. "Excuse me everybody!" the pygmy horde continued their construction. "Koopa chonga fongo!" the horde stopped as they heard this and warily turned to face the butler. "Oppo nooto bongo longo, googoo doodoo!"
The Thighmaster smirked. "You said 'doodoo'."
The butler nodded. "Why, yes sir. It's pygmy for 'chewy'," he pointed out. The horde broke into hushed whispers amongst themselves.
"Well done Browning!" the villain hissed. "I think you might've saved us."
The whispering stopped and the leader of the pygmies spoke. "Doppo gango fango!" he told the pair.
"Oh dear," sighed the butler. "Sir, they don't believe us," he translated. From the distance a group of pygmies carrying a huge black cauldron staggered uneasily toward the beach.
"Pappa tappa oppa!" the leader of the pygmies continued. "Gotto Moppo!"
Browning listened intently. "He says that 'we're white devils who should be roasted and eaten in sacrifice for their God, Moppo."
Thighmaster guffawed. "Moppo? What kind of Godly name is that?!?" the villain started to laugh. "Moppo!"
"Loppo mongo! Coppa Moppo?" the pygmy leader bellowed, outraged.
"As funny as Moppo is sir, I think you've made them angry..." the butler observed.
"Tongo!" the pygmy leader turned to his fellow pygmies. "Tongo?" he asked of them.
"Tongo!" came the reply in unison.
Thighmaster frowned. "What's Tongo?"
The butler grimaced. If memory serves me well sir, I believe it's an ancient pygmy duelling right."
"Duelling?" asked the villain, incredulous.
"With pointy sticks sir," Browning added. "I also believe he's challenging you sir, for the right of leadership to his clan."
The pygmy horde started to chant. "Tongo! Tongo! Tongo! Tongo!"
"Right!" bellowed the Thighmaster over the chorus of Tongos. "Browning! Carry on!"
The butler paused. "Sir?"
The villain nudged his manservant forward. "You can take him! I have complete faith in you!"
"I'm sorry sir, but he's quite adamant...It's you he wants to 'stick'," Browning explained.
The villain deflated. "Really?" A vicious smile crept across his lips. "Really?" he repeated. "Let's get on with it then, shall we?"
----
The pygmy clan had formed a human ring around the two competitors in the middle, they had graciously armed the Thighmaster with his own pointy stick, although he noted it was about half the length of his opponents. The leader of the pygmy clan was warming up for the duel, thrusting his stick forwards at alarming speeds. "Now sir," Browning began, he stood off to the side, pygmy sticks aimed at various 'soft places' on his body. "This duel is very much like a medieval one, you must rush your opponent and attempt to stab him before he does it to you. Good luck, sir."
"I won't need it Browning, but thank you anyway," accepted the villain.
The leader of the pygmy clan stopped his preparation. "Oppo toppo poppo!" he yelled, laughing. After a brief hesitation, the rest of his clan began to laugh wildly too.
"What did he say?" demanded The Thighmaster.
The butler grimaced. "He wasn't being very nice about your mother, sir."
"Oh yeah?? Well oppo toppo poppo to your mother as well!" challenged the villain.
The pygmy ring grew silent, they all looked a little worried. The source of which was the Pygmy leaders face, which had drawn upon it a psychotic fury. "Ploppo," he spat and charged toward the Thighmaster.
The villain dropped his stick, unholstered his laser gun and disintegrated the pygmy leader mid-charge. "Well, wasn't that lovely?" he told the crowd. "Anyone know the way to Europe?"
The End.